This really sucks. He just doesn't reply to my e-mails. In a sense, I can't blame him- I am pretty weird (both in looks and in actions lol). It's not my fault I can't talk to him! He tried to say hi to me once or twice, and I kind of rushed away without saying anything. The words just get caught in my throat, and nothing comes out. I fear what I might say- if I start talking to him, I'll want to tell him everything. Believe me, EVERYTHING is not what a sensible person wants to hear. How can it hurt him to say nothing? Is that worse than everything? I wish I could tell him I'm sorry. It's just....well, he makes me quite nervous. You can't possibly imagine talking to someone you've admired since grade 2! If you've ever seen the movie "Ever After", it feels like the part where "Nicol's" friend (the amateur artist) has to talk to Leonardo Da Vinci. It's something a person's always dreamed of, always wanted to do, but the one thing that seems most impossible. "I couldn't tell you, but I'm telling you now". I love that line... it sums up my entire life. There are so many things I wish I could tell him, but I know I can't do that until it's already too late. On the other hand, I never want to end up like Uncle John, that would be so horrible! (this is more a reference for me, so people who don't know who Uncle John is can just forget I mentioned him). You know when you have a crush, and that person is all you can think about?...when, you don't know the person at all, but, somehow, something they said or did, or the way they look attracts you to them? This is nothing like that! I feel as if I know him (in reality, I know nothing of the little things, and, sometimes, those are the most important). I would settle for just being friends, or occasionally chatting on the Net, if that's what he really wanted. I never know what to do, because I don't want to appear needy or drive him away by seeming obsessive. I'm not really THAT obsessive (lol). Besides, what is passion, but obsession? I have passion for life, friendship, and love. It is true, then, that I obsess about these things the most. I could never pass up the chance for love, but friendship is the next best thing. Love is like energy- it never disappears, but it continually changes form. Therefore, it shouldn't be extremely hard to make the transition from friendship to love, or back again. "The greatest risk in life is to hazard nothing." (something to that effect, anyway)