Okay, here it is....the part nobody wants to read about, but the only part of my life that I REALLY want to tell. Brace yourself.
Before Christmas holiday (about December 21 or so) I left an anonymous note in a guy's locker giving a few clever (or what I thought to be clever) quotes and my e-mail address. At first, I was really excited, thinking he'd e-mail me in about three days. I waited like three weeks, and still no e-mail. I was absolutely crushed. I thought either he knew who I was and didn't want to chat to me, or, I left the note in the wrong locker, which would be even more devastating (some weird kook could have had my e-mail address). Anyway, I had pretty much erased all hope from my soul when, one day, I decided to check my e-mail on that account (it wasn't my normal account, but one I had created solely for the purpose of chatting it up with my crush). There was an e-mail from him! My hands shook and, dare I say it, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. After chatting a couple of times, we played a type of hangman where he tried to guess who I was. It tore my heart in two, because the first letter he guessed was not a part of my name. The next time we chatted, after I had given him more clues to my identity, he guessed which family I belonged to, and I'm sure he knows which one of two sisters I am. We haven't chatted since, and it really bothers me, because he may just be trying to avoid me. If I e-mail him any more than I have, it will make me seem really desperate, so I guess I just have to hold on. I will write later with any updates.
I have many issues to discuss this time. Should I number them? Ah, I believe I shall (it's so much more organized that way).1. If two people are meant to be together, does the age difference really matter? I used to think it did, but now I'm starting to change my mind. I suppose if the difference was 15 years or more, it might matter, but even then, I'm not quite sure. Of course I'm not talking about myself (I can never figure out if someone else really likes me or not...people bamboozle me). However, I have observed a deep connection between two other aquaintances with a significant age difference. I don't think they even realize the connection. I wish they would be more than friends.2. I'm really getting worried about finals, with them being a week away and not even having begun to look over the information. Science is going to be killer bad.3. How long is it okay for a friend not to return your e-mail? For me, over two days is too long. I'm just not that patient, and it makes me worried that I might have said something offensive or hurtful. I wish I would get a reply today. I'm starting to get that thick, dull pain in my chest, and butterflies in my stomach. When I read the first letter, I paused at the end of every sentence- reading and rereading it. I bet I have read the entire e-mail at least 10 times. When I wrote a reply, I must have taken an hour, just to make sure it was as perfect as it could be.4. I have so much homework, I should cut this short. I don't know when I'll write again, but hopefully during/right after the week of finals. That's not long from now, so ciao.
Woo hoo! It's the new year! Now I'm 365.25 days closer to death than I was this time last year. I'm also ready for the 365.25 [lol] more disappointments that I will face. You'd think I would learn to enjoy life a little more. Let this be a lesson to the rest of you that feel sorry for yourselves 24/7. Thank goodness such people have not created a club. Think of the moaning, whining, and wailing that could be heard from the street. If you had more than one of me in a room, you'd wanna shoot yourself in the head! List of things I HATE:* being on the outside of an inside joke- when will people learn that it isn't kind to have a user name, display picture, or web-site that includes inside jokes without explaining them first! That's just so mean. As if I'm not left out enough already...let's check my current friend count... *checks list* wow! zero! It's climbing, baby!* people who haven't discovered some of the most important things about me:- I complain constantly- I can hold a grudge forever- I am very capable of giving all my love to one person, but I have severe doubts that one person will ever be found- I am pessimistic 9/10 of the time, the other 1/10 I am probably sleeping, or my eyes are taped open, my arms and legs are tied down and I am forced at gun point to watch a show with rainbows, butterflies, and happy ponies- When I say I am okay, it definitely means I am NOT okay (or, in other words, I do the girly double talk thing ALL the time)- My true personality only comes out when I am sugar high or on chat, where people can't actually see me- The sarcasm never ends for me- I have doubts about myself and my qualifications to exist as a human being on this earth as much as I am pessimisticThat's all for now about my dislikes. I will keep you posted, because the list is forever in need of an update- you haven't seen anything yet!Now for my favorite things (a big contrast):* rain and thunder storms* the smell of freshly cut grass* FOOD (esp. sweets, burgers, salads, chicken nuggets)* sunsets/sunrises* fields filled with flowers (although I haven't ever seen a really beautiful one in real life yet)* thinking I am in love* the sound of the train (perhaps my fave)* laughter* the purring of a cat (like a feline lol)* my family and pets* vacations* shopping when someone else is buying for me, with no spending limit (only parents are naive enough to do that!)
